Robert and Lewis have adopted three children, two boys and a girl (all now aged under five), over the last three years.
We first approached Faith in Families about adoption in 2017. We went through the assessment, training and matching process; and found it quite straightforward. We were registered on Link Maker, the online adoption search and matching system, for about a month when we were approached by the Social Worker of our oldest son, B.
We had been looking to adopt two children but we just knew B was for us, as soon as we saw him. Then, as we were going through the matching process for B, we were told that the adoption process had been started to also place his sister N. The matching process for B was held in Autumn 2018, he came to live with us and was only with us about a month before we were also matched with N. She joined our family in late 2018.
About a year later (in late 2019) B’s Social Worker got back in touch with us to say a third sibling, baby boy A, due for B and N’s birth parents, might also sadly have to be taken into care, and would we be interested in adopting A as well if this happened? When we discussed it as a couple there was really no strong reason not to do it; we knew it was the right thing to keep the three siblings together, for their future lives. There were some legal process delays, but A came to live with us in January 2021.
The two Social Workers we worked with at Faith in Families were very supportive throughout. Even when we spoke to other members of FiF staff you felt that personal connection.
The adoption process has been no different for us, as a gay couple, than it would have been for a straight couple. You’re faced with the same problems, work-life balance, etc. With Adoption Leave and being furloughed from work, we’ve been able to spend a lot of time with our three children doing all the normal family activities, which has been great.
Where there is a difference as a gay couple is that, when we go out as a family, you do occasionally catch people trying to work out the family dynamic, of two men and three young children; but we’ve never had any negative comments as a result of that.